Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize