I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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