I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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