I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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