You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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