omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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