Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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