kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
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She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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