He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
His nipple licking is glorious
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