I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize