i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
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GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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