So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
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I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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