The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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