Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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