hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize