final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
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Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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