I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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