I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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