that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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