So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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