We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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