On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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