Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize