I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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