I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
only you would photoshop your dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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