You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize