sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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