Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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