Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
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My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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