My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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