OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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