I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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