what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize