Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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  (617): I wish his dick was as long as his hair. http://tfl.nu/x3k7
  Replies (13) Good night (950) Bad night (6667) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well

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  (401): do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well http://tfl.nu/8t7l
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (3359) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.

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  (707): Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty. http://tfl.nu/vu49
  Replies (8) Good night (3273) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!

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  (580): I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever! http://tfl.nu/u7rz
  Replies (6) Good night (3294) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.

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  (360): It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice. http://tfl.nu/ciw3
  Replies (5) Good night (2125) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."

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  (843): I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with." http://tfl.nu/8haz
  Replies (2) Good night (1551) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.

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  (678): We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/k4wd
  Replies (2) Good night (729) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.

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  (917): What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered. http://tfl.nu/ygdr
  Replies (7) Good night (1552) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.

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  (773): I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again. http://tfl.nu/53df
  Replies (6) Good night (1661) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.

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  (530): It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle. http://tfl.nu/j4o3
  Replies (9) Good night (1894) Bad night (403)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.

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  (201): I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free. http://tfl.nu/mbnk
  Replies (4) Good night (2343) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.

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  (+44): I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye. http://tfl.nu/9vv3
  Replies (5) Good night (1307) Bad night (1678)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.

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  (978): I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once. http://tfl.nu/s0yn
  Replies (5) Good night (1243) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.

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  (765): I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals. http://tfl.nu/d4lh
  Replies (0) Good night (708) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.

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  (864): That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it. http://tfl.nu/a8sj
  Replies (4) Good night (494) Bad night (267) Order T-Shirt

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