Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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