Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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