Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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