captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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