I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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