that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
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He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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