and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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