don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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