$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize