Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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