you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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