she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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