i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
the raccoons are back...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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