Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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