I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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