I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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